They were nearing the end of practice when Gabriela mouthed the words, “I’ve got a secret!” She was absolutely bursting with pleasure, and Ann knew the walk home would be better than ever.
“So what’s the secret?”
“You have to promise not to tell.”
Ann crossed her heart.
“My father is getting a new job and we’re moving to Texas next month when school’s out. I’m getting a pony!”
Ann did her best to mirror Gabriela’s excitement. Promising to visit, promising to email, and yes, promising to still be best friends.
They were best friends as only thirteen-year-olds can be best friends: Inseparable. When they reached the corner of University and Florida, they agreed to telephone as soon as they got home. Then they said goodbye and went their separate ways.
“I have a secret too. Lots of secrets,” thought Ann as she unlocked the front door. She felt the wave of sadness that always accompanied coming home. What would tonight be like? Would there be shouting, or worse? Would her mother bear the bruises of a recent beating? Or would tonight just be another evening filled with silence? Though silence was always accompanied by heavy fear, it was far better than the violent alternative.
No one but their closest neighbors knew what happened inside their house. On Sundays when they went to church, all dressed up, the family was all smiles. But Ann never knew when the Sunday smiles would dissolve into violence. It could be something simple, like her mother saying, “Alfonso, I think I would like to get a job. The extra money would help.” Something that simple would turn their day into a living nightmare.
Ann could not ever remember when she was not afraid of her father. Although he never touched her, she had seen firsthand what his anger could do to her mother—she had seen that all too often.
That’s why she would never forget her feelings when her mother told her the secret. “Ann, I have something to tell you, but you must keep the secret.” Of course, she would keep it a secret; her life was full of secrets.
“I have my papers. I have my papers to work on! I don’t have my green card yet, but I have my work papers. I will not be deported.”
There was pure joy in her mother’s face. Ann was spellbound. Instinctively, she knew there was more to the secret. Her mother went on, “When I get a job, I will save money. Then you and I will move away to a safe place.”
Two months passed before her mother told her father that she was getting a job. “Don’t use your real name,” he shouted. “I don’t want you using your real name.”
Surprisingly, that was all he said until later in the afternoon. “You know Helena, I could get you your papers, then you could work legally, but I’m not going to do it.”
The same meanness, the same old taunt! Ann’s head was bursting. She wanted to scream at him, beat his chest; shout in his face, “She doesn’t need you anymore! She has her papers!”
She did none of these things. She dared not even look at her mother; nothing to give away the secret.
Later that night her mother slipped into her bedroom. “When school is out, Ann, then we will move. Just a few more months.”
Over the next few months, Ann noticed small boxes being packed and placed in closets. She worried that her mother would let the secret slip—that her father would become suspicious, or find the work permit. She watched where her mother hid her purse. Ann always knew where the precious work permit was hidden.
“Just one more month.” thought Ann. She had many so secrets, she was consumed by them.